"HAPPY JUICE"

From May 2005 to April 2007 I wrote a column in this paper. At first it was titled Trundling Along the White Trail, then it became Scampering Along..., and then finally it was Dancing Along.... Three years of personal essays, I thought, was enough but apparently not. There’s a longing for reflective writing, both in me and the readership, so I am picking up where I left off, as best as I can.

The next transformation, I had predicted, was to be Flying Along the White Trail because it implied an achieved sense of freedom. But I didn’t feel quite there yet. Then last week, completely depleted of energy by bronchitis, I was reading something and the word ‘emptying’ stuck in my mind. I skimmed the next few lines then came to: Because we have let everything go, and are preparing to start very new with a very clean slate... This really struck home. Perhaps this cold was an opportunity to stop and look at what else needed to be emptied. In order to fly, one must lighten up, let go of all that no longer serves. If I truly wanted to fly, I had to give up any of those old emotions that kept me feeling separate or inadequate. I could no longer afford to look back at what could have been or should have been. Those thoughts were like chains, keeping me heavy, keeping me down and draining my energy.

The focus I now realized had to be on creating happiness. I now saw that creating happiness was the fuel for flight, and if I could keep my focus on it, I’d be soaring. Of course it wasn’t just about creating happiness for me alone, but rather taking on the persona of Sorceress of Happiness and generating it all around. (What a fine image, hahaha!)

With these thoughts in mind, I watched the comedian Dana Carvey do a monologue and in it he talked about ‘happy juice’, and I thought, wow! that’s a perfect way to describe the fuel. I taught Reiki and Chi Kung and tried to explain the Eastern concept of chi, ki or prana but nothing really captured the essence the way happy juice does. Picture walking down the street: those who have a good flow of happy juice are light on their feet and easy to smile, while those whose happy juice channels are blocked are heavy and dour and seem off in some parallel universe. Their souls seem to keep repeating the same old struggles and wrong-doings over and over again like a skipping record. They can’t get past the dreaded words or events that victimized them so are before us but not really there – no happy juice, no happiness.

Since the word emptying made its mark in my psyche a few days ago, I keep referring to it when unpleasantries occur. I don’t hold onto resentments or anger, with myself or others, I deal with them as quickly as possible so I can get the happy juice flowing again: empty grief, fill up with happy juice. If I am to fly, to be the Sorceress of Happiness, it is essential to forgive and accept. I must remember: “We’re all on a path, and each place on that path is honourable.”

I feel like I’m in sync with the world as I write this because as I sit on the dock on this gorgeous morning, birds of all kinds are coming to greet me. Blue heron swooped around, loon popped up and turkey hawk glided past. What a wonderful feeling. Hey maybe that’s why black fly and mosquito keep nibbling at me, they’re helping me shift my focus, reminding me to stop looking back and stay present. Create happiness now and the happy juice will flow. So here I am again, exploring life and writing about it. And this makes me happy.

This new title, White Trail, is simple and empty of embellishments. There are no limitations or expectations; there’s just a place to start from and return to. No baggage required.